Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
sex in a hospital.. check
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
