u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
