I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize