I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It's Friday. Sex?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
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I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My bed smells like the plague
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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