Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize