The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
