im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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