I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
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My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
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He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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