Will you blow on my dice?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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