Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
