I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
