I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
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