Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
