I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
