I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
