Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
