Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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