I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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