best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
it's like iHOP with fire
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
