You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize