Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
