apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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