Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize