Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
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Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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