My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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