Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
