shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
