i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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