Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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