I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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