If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
