I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize