im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize