Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
