i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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