Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
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A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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