i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
