real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
