I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
