I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
