If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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