Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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