he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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