I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
