we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
