Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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