but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
