good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
