You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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