I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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