i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
third nipple confirmed
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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