"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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