You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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