You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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