Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
