dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
