Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
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I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
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Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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