When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
