Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
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we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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