My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
