I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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