Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
